Lost Soul

Our Chain

2007-07-31T07:47:00.000-04:00

Five years ago our family chain was broken when God called you home Nicole.
Life without you will never be the same.
But as God calls us home one by one, our family chain will link again.
We are looking foward to the day when our chain will link itself together again.

Love you for ever and ever
Mommy and Daddy

Romania

2006-11-14T11:07:00.000-05:00

Hi:

My wife Monika and I have teamed up with International Teams of Canada and the Coping Centre and are going on our first ever mission. We will be going with 3 more people from Coping, 2 people from outside Coping, plus our great leader form I. T. Bob Fukumoto and his wife Jan. Together the 9 of us will be bringing Christmas to over 350 orphane in Romania. We will be leaving on Nov. 28th and returning on Dec. 4th. Monika, myself and two other from the Coping Centre are going on this mission in Memory of Our Dear and Missed LOVED Ones. Our pastoral care giver at the Coping Centre (Heather) is also coming with us.

Monika and I feel so bless that GOD has given us this mission, we can feel him all over it he blesses us every day and reminds us that he is there with us. God will also let Nicole come with us to bless these children. For the first time in 4 1/2 years we are feeling a new purpose in our lives a little one for now but we hope that God has bigger plans for us. We are going to bring one of OUR NICOLE'S dream and hope to reality, helping needy children.

Our Nicole has often written down the 1-800 number from the World Vision commercials, and with her eyes filled with tears and hope in her voice, has asked us to help these children....It is because of her vision, her compassion for children, the love of life and her love for GOD that we are now able to fulfill her hope.

Monika and I wish to thank everyone from the bottom our hearts for your support in our grief journey and for your giving hearts to help us in this Memory Mission.

A touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, a compliment or the smallest act of caring is what we are going to Romania with in hopes that all these acts will have the potential to turn life around if only for one day.

I will write more when we return from our God filled Memorial Mission.

Let us forever be grateful in all that we have here, because somewhere else in this world there is much sadness and suffering.

May God's love keep you all safe

Blessings

Henri

God Loves Us All

2006-09-20T20:27:00.000-04:00

PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!! IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.

You never know when God is going to bless you!! Good things happen when you least expect them to !!!!!!!!

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.

It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak... Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters, brothers and friends. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.

I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

Just say these words

God

I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please.
Don't ignore and God will bless you.

Nobody answers

2006-01-23T18:19:00.000-05:00

Nobody Answers

I remember rushing home after work
Knowing that your smiling face was waiting for me
You always answered me when I called your name

We use to play and laugh
You would smile at me when I called your name
I loved the sound of your voice when I called your name

But now every thing is different
I don’t rush home anymore
Cause I know your smiling face is no more
And Nobody answers when I call your name

Oh! The lonely sound of my voice
Is driving me insane
Cause nobody answers when I call your name

The tears keep on falling
My lonely heart is breaking
Cause nobody answers when I call your name

The lonely sound of my voice will drive me insane
My tears will never stop falling
My lonely heart will keep on breaking
Cause nobody answers when I call your name

NO nobody answers when I call your name

We need not walk alone

2006-01-12T19:21:00.000-05:00

I wrote this for my Coping Family and Friends Jim/Deb, Rick/Linda, Joe/Joyce Christmas 2003

We Need Not Walk Alone

We need not to walk alone
We are compassionate friends
We reach out to one another with love
With understanding and with hope

Our children have gone home at diffrent times
At diffrent ages and in diffrent ways
In that we bacame united

Your pain became my pain
And my pain became your pain
Your hope became my hope
And my hope became your hope

We are all unique families in our own special ways

Some older, some younger
Some a little farther in their grief
Some still feel grief so fresh and so painful
Some may feel helpless and feel there is no hope

For some of us our strength is in our faith
While some stuggle to find answers
Some are angry, some depress and some feel guilt
But no matter what..............

It is the LOVE of our children that has united us

Though we are still seeking and struggling to build our future
We reach out to one another with love
For it is the Love of our children that keeps us united

We share our pain as well as our joy
We help each other to grieve and to grow
Because we are Copassinate Friends
We need not walk alone

Dear Sam

2006-01-05T14:27:00.000-05:00

Dear Sam:

Thank you for stopping by my blog.
This blog is so very special to me.
This blog is in memory of our precious
daughter Nicole. Our only Angel
with we lots in a traffic accident in
July of 2002.

I have also greated this site please feel free to visit.
www.nicole-jacques.memory-of.com

I hope you come back and visit some time.

I just wanted you to know who this special someone was.

Thank again for your visit.

LostSoul

You Are My Angel

2006-01-05T14:13:00.000-05:00

Nicole

Do you remember all the good times
and bad times that we shared
all the hopes and dreams we had
nothing else could ever compare.

There will always be a place
down deep inside my heart
a special place where only you
will always occupy that place.

I will always remember
all the beauty and grace
your smile as bright as sunshine
and your beautiful Angelic face.

The way you little body felt
as I held you close to me
in my heart and in my soul
is were you'll always be.

God gave me an angel
to call my very own
now and forever we'll
always be together
from this moment on.

Love 4 ever
Daddy XOXO

DEAR GOD

2006-01-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

Dear God:

I pray that you continue to watch over all of us and guide us to do your work, to allow you to be in the drivers seat and for us to get out of your way. I pray that you bring peace and harmony in this world, in our families,our friends, co- workers, employers,just everyone and thing we come in touch with. I pray that we continue to LOVE and support each other, to encourage and nuture each others as we grow. Lord i ask that you put an end to all suffering. God I want you to let you know that you are awesome in the things you are doing in and aroud my life. God you bless me every day and even thou sometimes I'm not quite sure what those blessings are and might even become a little fustrated and angry I know that it is all for a reason. I know Lord you are moulding us all for bigger and better things so Lord I apologize to you for being angry at you for not taking proper defence against SATAN and allowing him to win some of the small battles.

LORD I pray for my friends Kathy Rob KK and the rest of their family that they would find healing and a woshipping place. God I pray that you will be with all of us during these difficult times we have.

Lord I know for days now I have been battling SATAN big time. He hates that you are winning this battle and he goes at me from every direction he can, Lord I ask for the courage to look at him head on and say SATAN be gone you have no strength here you are fighting a losing battle.That I continue to have the courage and strength to put on the proper armor to fight against him. God I pray for proper rest and nourishment to fight with my all.

Lord I want to pray for my family and Monika's. Lord I pray that you will give them the courage and strength they need to fight this battle against SATAN. Lord I ask you help bring our families in true harmony, that you strength us as one and that we would stand united, that we all learn to belive in you and in each other for strength and courage. Lord help us all prepare family friends just everyone in case you decide to promote us to the father. Help us take care of any business that needs taking care of and to help us stay strong and that everything will be OK.Lord embrace us al with your LOVE and encouragement.

God I pray that you help all my friends to be strong in there battles against the evil one. Hepl to build them all to who you want them to be. Lord continue to protect them and giude them in all they do.

God I want to Thank You for being here, for becoming apart of my life, for sharing your LOVE and belief with me. LORD THANK YOU for dying for me and for being my judge and saying "PAID IN FULL"

GOD I LOVE YOU for that and I'm praying that you show us all how to belive that for ourselves. Lord I pray that we can stop spinning long enough to absorb and practice all the wouderful gifts you have been giving us. Lord as humans most of us have low self esteem and worth and do not like or love ourselves the way you would want us to, so Lord I pray for that, that you can help us to all belive in ourselves, to love ourselves, to belive we are worth it and that we have a purpose.

Lord I ask that you tell or guide me in how you would like me to strengthen my prayers to you, because most of the time Lord I feel that I'm praying wrong. Lord you know that my prayers come from the heart and I ask guidances on what you want me to pray for.

THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING HERE,FOR LOVING ME, FOR DYING FOR ME AND CARING ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO SHOW ME YOUR WAY OF LIFE

THANK YOU

IF I KNEW

2006-01-03T11:42:00.000-05:00

If I knew

If I knew it would be the last time
That I see you fall asleep
I would tuck you in more tightly
and prat to God your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that isee you walk the door
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice up in praise
I would video tape each action and word
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say "I LOVE YOU"
instead of assuming you would know I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more
so I can let just this one slip away

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an overnight
and we always get a secound chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say "I LOVE YOU"
And certainly there's another chance
to say our anything I can do

But just in case I might be wrong
and today is all I get
I'd like to say how much I love you
and hope we never foget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone
young or old alike
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your LOVED one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow
why not do it today
For if tomorrow never comes
you'll surely regret the day

That you didn't take the extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone
what turned out to be their one last wish.

SO HOLD YOUR LOVED ONES CLOSE TODAY
AND WISPER IN THEIR EAR
TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM
AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS HOLD THEM DEAR.

TAKE TIME TO SAY "I'M SORRY"
"PLEASE FORGIVE ME", " THANK YOU", or "IT'S OK"
And if tomorrow never comes
you'll have no regrets about today

IF I ONLY KNEW

A New Year

2006-01-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

Here we are 2006.

We may have escaped to the Dominican Repuplic during the Christmas holidays but our pain did not stay here it followed us and will for ever. Missing you Nicole is the deepest and a never ending pain.

So we leave 2005 behind never fogetting the painful moments. Now we start 2006 not on a good note because we still have a painful chapter to close THE LAW SUIT. My emotions are hight my heart is aching I want to run , I want to close my eyes and wake up an all is over. But not so this month the first month of the new year is already painful as we must face this night mare again go throuw eveything once again to tell how this has affected our lives MAN.........................

I am asking for all the prayers we can get for Monika and I will need all the help we can get. We are so blessed to have so many friend that belive and we know that you will send prasyers our way.

We hope and pray that all of you had a wonderful Christmas and felt the Love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We also want to wish everyone a GOD fill 2006 may he bless you in every thing you do and say.

Always Loving you all and keeping you in our Prayers

Henri and Monika

nicole-jacques.memory-of.com

At this Time

2005-12-13T19:33:00.000-05:00

When the month of November come my heart starts to ache. The mall start playing there Christmas songs, the decoration, people are in the buzzing mode. As I stand and watch my heart aches for the memories enter my head and my heart. Her laughter, her smile, the brilliant glow on her face, the excitement in her little heart. No more do I see all of this all I feel is the cold wind on my face as my tears make there way to the floor of my soul.

Its not that I hate Christmas it’s just that Christmas without my Nicole and sharing the LOVE of Christ with her is not and will never be the same it will always be sad and lonely she will never humanly fill my heart with that glow.

But I know that for Nicole its not the same cause for her she is singing with the angel SINGING GOD"S PRAISE rejoicing with the heavenly children of GOD.
Oh !just to be able to fell just a little bit of what her heart fell, to be in the present of our LORD just to really fell the power of GOD before her. To run in the heavenly beautiful garden to really truly be free of tears, pain, fear, never ever have a broken heart never fell alone I cannot wrap my pea brain around that Oh but how I long for that.

It reminds of what I read about Paul in my study when he said to be with God is to GAIN. But what is confusing meis that I most stay here with you till my time come to do what ever it is God wants me to do. But my selfish human heart wants to leave and leave now.

As I read the paper listen to TV my heart is sadden even more just to see how MAN is so stupid and so self centre that it makes me sick and makes me long even more for God to call me home. Man has sooooooooo lost the true meaning of Christmas. He is so busy worrying about offending some one else or stepping on some one toes and because of that he is deciding to change all what Christmas OH sorry should I say this holiday is all about. This time of years is just and other holiday just like all the rest lets just get drunk act like idiots and forget about that GUY you know him that kid that was suppose to have been born in a manger what’s his name again Oh ya Joseph or was it Jesus ya I think that’s it Jesus.

Let’s bring in our rules because we own this place call earth so we call the shots. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! THIS WORLD JUST MAKES ME SICK.

Sorry I just wanted to share with you how my heart fells at this time of year without my Nicole and my anger got the best of me. Because even if my heart is hurting and I miss her so so much and I long to be with her. I still Care about the Child that was born to us on Christmas Day OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST

I pray to you OH Lord that you would stop this madness break those hearts of stone and bring peace on this earth

LOSTSOUL

I'M I HEALED

2005-12-04T16:36:00.000-05:00

Someone Asked me the other da if I was healed from my child's passing. I asked them to define healed. I asked if someone does heal, are there scars? I asked if the scars has a thin layer of skin, or a thick one. They didn't know what to say. It got me thinking of so many things.

I remember the first few months even the years after my Nicole past away. I wasn't healed. Ididn't have a scar. I had an open bleeding sore that would not begin to heal. But am I healed today? Again, Iwould want the word healed described for a bereaved parent.

I've takled to other parents who lost a child like I have. We discussed what the time has done to us, how we have coped, and how we survived.

Losing a child causes not only inner scars, but outer ones that we try to hide. I still today will get choked up when I see a newly bereaved parent fall apart. It still gets to me when certain days come that I know are going to bring back a lot of memories. For me, memoriesare always just inder the surface of who I am.

Some ask me if holidays, birthdays, ect, are easier now. I still never know when one will hit me and punch my heart and rip open the scar that has not healed yet.

Some tell me they can't go there can't dwell on the past can't put themself in that position. I think to myself no maybe you can't go there you try to forget but I'll never belive any parent does not go there.

For me, I guess the word time would have to come into how I have survived. My Nicole has been gome three years this Sept. I keep saying three years how is that possible? Sometimes I man how can this be three years without Nicol. I think how have I gotten this far down this road? I think about the years I could't control the tears. I think about the the holiday and how I've been so sad. I think of what my life could have been like had she lived. I think about the past, and I think about the future I missed out on and will forever.

So have I healed? If someone can have a tragedy happen in thier lives, and get past the pain and move on and forget what happened, I'd call that healed. Therefore, I guess I have not healed. I can't foget the past. I can't forget the feeling of those little arms hugging my neck and those smoochy kisses when she would say "I LOVE YOU DADDY" "I LOVE YOU BIGGER." I can't forget the Christmas's and the happiness her little face showed when she got something she asked Santa for. I can't forget her birthday and GOD knows, I can't forget the day that she went home.

I once never dreamed I'd live this long with a heart that was not whole anymore. But somehow I have. It's not been easy many times, matter of fact it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to face. But here I am, this old heart getting older day by day, days that it bleeds, days that the scar opens up and taskes days to close back up temporarily.

I lve from day to day, I never use to do that. I use to plan months ahead, look foward to many things in life. But today...when people say "how are you" I reply "I'm alive" Some look at me oddly, and others say" I know what you mean."

I know I will never heal I never want to forget a certain little girl who broutght so much love and happiness into my life. I never want to forget anything about her.

So I will plug on day by day. On the days when it gets hard and I feel like falling down and giving up , I will once again grab on to God's hand pick myself up and put one foot in front of the other and tell myself " God loves you and you still have work to do.

Hello Kitty

2005-11-22T20:47:00.000-05:00

Hello Is this working

Welcome

2005-11-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my blog. Looking foward to blogging with you.